Manifestation of Frustration

Things are startin to look up. I went out for a day on the town with Bonnie, she had to get a new coat, I had to get out and free my mind a little. Its weird going from a hero to zero, yet somewhat relieving at the same time. Me and Bonnie walked all up and down newbury street, chatting, jarring, window shopping, normal shopping. It flowed really easy. She was trying on a coat in Cole Hahn, and I was waiting outside acting as her judge, deeming each coat worthy or unworthy. Though I still am not big time at all, they shut down the store for us, I think Bonnie liked this a bit too much. She came out showing a few coats off, some with fur, one that was mad poofy, one that was snakeskin, one that was leather, you name the material she probably tried it on.

I heard a little scream from the dressing room, I went over and opened the door to see if everything was ok, she looked right at me and smiled, "This is the one!" She looked amazing, and I tried to let her know, though shes one who already knew it, and isn't afraid to use it. "Wow" was all I could mutter, I stepped in and the door shut behind me. Again we had another moment, nothing was said but we both knew what was up. I slowly moved closer and kissed her, ran my fingers through her hair, I felt her goosebumps as I accidentally brushed her neck. 

And then just as easily as it began it stopped, she pulled away, couldn't look me in the eyes, and said "I can't"

After that the rest of the day seemed sort of average, even a little forced at times. It was definitely just the manifestation of frustration, I asked about Byron but she just dodged the questions keeping it simple like "Hes good to me", I took this as a stab, implying that I wasn't. We said our goodbyes, we knew we would be talking again soon we didn't have to say it. All in all, I had a good day, changed it up from the norm a little, maybe ill write something good tonight who knows.

I picked up a fifth of Jameson on my walk home and went to work, my home has become my new studio. I have taken to waking up on my couch with sheet music in hand, my lyrics book in the other, passed out face down on my keyboard, with some awful kind of dragon breath. Maybe some good will come out of it tonight, either way, I'm looking forward to it maybe ill see if Jessie wants to come jam. Got a call to make guys, peace!

By By Bon Bon

I went to Byron's about a week ago,  meet up with him. I havent seen him like this in a long ass time. I showed up just to drop off what money I could, just to help him out a bit, and hopefully keep more of this bullshit from happening. Man I'm dumb sometimes. 

I pulled up to his apartment in Roxbury, rang the buzzer, then a females voice replied. "Oh hey sterrrr!" It was familiar, I know I had heard it before, but couldn't put a finger on who it was through the cheap buzzer speakers. Out of the corner of my eye I sensed a little motion, my senses taking over, I saw a flash from the very next house over from out the window. This was a little weird, the blinds quickly flipped shut, and I was left wondering what that was all about. 

"BZZZZZZZZZZZ" went the door as it was unlocked, instantly forgetting what had just happened, and realizing why I had gone there in the first place. I stepped into the building, still semi flustered from the abundance of confusion that I was currently wrapped up in, and ascended the stairs. I checked my phone really quick to see which room number was his again, 21, my lucky number... weird. I saw an emergency exit leading to a fire escape as I was walking down the hall towards his room, mentally noted its existence incase an shenanigans ensue, knock on wood.

As I reached for the door handle it opened, like someone was watching the whole time. 

"Sterling!"

Damnit, it was my god damn ex, Bonnie. She looked good, as always, her caramel skin smooth as butter. Her  dark straight hair was up but it still ran halfway down her back, she was rockin sweats and a t-shirt, she was clearly very comfortable here at Byrons house. I looked over on the couch and saw a straightener laying there, along with multiple gossip magazines, clearly she was most likely dating or staying with Byron now. 

"Bonnie? No Shit what’re you doing here? "

"Byron told me you were swingin by so I came over to see you"

"Really?"

"No! Damn! hahah, Ster you are still dumb as ever, Ill go get By for ya." She stepped away to the staircase and yelled up, "Byron! Ster's here get your ass downstairs!"

"Damn woman, now I told you I'd be down in a minute, give me a god damn minute!"

Bonnie, strolled back towards me, smiling but clearly somewhat distraught. 

"So how long have you two been going out?" I asked trying to strike up conversation.

"I don't know, a few months now, its good were takin it slow, nothing you would know about, runnin around with your hoochies"

I heard Byron's footsteps comin down the stairs "Don't hate on him just cause he sees more ass  and titties than a fuckin plastic surgeon." he came down stairs still putting on a hoodie, mustve been getting dressed when I came in. 

"I aint hatin, thats why we aint datin though"

Byron didnt seem to acknowledge that comment one bit, I didn't want to either, besides thats not exactly how I remembered it anyways. Byron and I made eye contact and he said "Whats good?" while he reached out to shake my hand. We sat back and chatted for a little bit, Byron rolled up a Beantown Burner, and we all got lifted while we were chillin.     

The Television was playing the price is right in the background, and I heard a dull throb of an old Otis Redding album playing upstairs from Byron's room, his soulful tender rendition of "Stand By Me", Bonnie always loved to listen to Otis when we.... Nevermind. 

We got the catch up portion out of the way, and got to business. I gave Byron the cash I had, said it was all I could do, but that I didnt want to see him struggle. He stood up and embraced me, patted me on the back. 

"Thanks Brother" He said, sounding relieved, and loosing a sigh "I needed the help"

"Were goin to Canada Ster!" Said Bonnie, unable to deal with the lack of attention that she was receiving for the last while. 

"Vacation?"

"Kind of, we just layin low for a while, doin our thing, I don't know what you fools got into this time, but I can work with it"

"Damn Bonnie you been takin some classes or some shit? That's the smartest thing I heard u say in a long time! Stayin out of the drama" Me and Byron started laughing, Bonnie was never the sharpest tool in the shed, but her incredible looks more than made up for it. But she sure did know how to have a good time. She had a way of going about things that seemed to make all else halt, she knew how to make the most of everything, she knew how to live in the moment, sometimes I worry too much to do that. 

"Ohh Ster you think you funny huh? I'm more than a pretty face now"

"Yea shes a pretty ass too!" Shouted Byron, me and him started laughing, and even she chuckled a little at this too. 

"Now yall sound like you aint even graduate highschool actin fools like this." She was still smiling though, under all the mixed feeling going on. It had been a long time apart, and we all settled right back in like it was the old days, sometimes I think I may have grown up too fast. I realized it was around time for me to go, announced it, and this made Byron hopped to his feet. He ran up to his room again, and asked me to wait a minute. 

I was standing too and I looked over to Bonnie. We made eye contact, and she blushed a little, I hadn't seen that side of her in too long, or in any woman in too long. The vulnerability, the sensitivity, and tenderness. Otis hit a high note up in Byron's Room, "I've been loving you too long" was playing. Bonnie stood, and took my hands, I couldn't believe this was happening in Byron's house. 

"Maybe we could catch up sometime Ster, I gotta say, It was really nice to see you" She looked down at our hands, joined together in harmony like we used to be. 

"Not if your going to Canada we can't" I replied

"Well, we can make it work" she said looking back up at me. 

"I don't know if I like the sound of that Bon"

"Don't worry so much, I'm getting a new coat tomorrow, we should meet up."

"Alright I would like that" I said to her, and a silence engulfed us, Bonnie broke into a smile and looked away for a second, memories must have flooded her brain much like mine just did, she grabbed my hands a little tighter and the sound of my swallowing nervously was the only audible sound between us. Then all of a sudden Byron's footsteps were coming down the stairs. Bonnie took her hands out of mine, turned around, and started fussing with her hair, the moment was gone. 

"Here yo, this should help you carry out the rest of your day in style." He handed me a pack of cigarettes, and a CD, it was a blank Cd that he had burned. 

"Its some of my most recent jams, all of em are dope, couldn't help but put one of your songs on there too, thought u could use some inspiration."

"Thanks By I could use that, but I don't smoke."

"Open the pack dumbass."

I did as instructed, and the pack was filled with Beantown Burners, all freshly rolled. 

"Thanks By, you hooked it up."

"Nah you did, Ster see you around, I'll be in touch."

I wished him luck, and turned and said bye to Bonnie. Byron turned and sat back down on the couch while Bonnie followed me to the door and saw me out. We gave one last hug, and as we were hugging she slipped something in my coat pocket.

"Wait til you get home, I made something for you", I said OK, and continued on my way.   I could feel her watching me the whole way down the hallway. That was a good time, didn't turn out half as bad as I thought it would be. To be honest I am actually looking forward to seeing if Bonnie hits me up tomorrow. 

I flew home and jammed out to the radio, I was in a great mood. When I got home I took out the pack of Beantown Burners By left me, lit one up, and went outside on my balcony. When I reached into my coat pocket I felt what Bonnie had put into my pocket, it was also a CD. I took it out, it was the first CD I had ever made Bonnie back in the day. It said on the front "To Bon-Bon", I put it into my stereo and let it play all night, Otis Redding and memories permeated my apartment and mind for the remainder of the night. 

Boom. Click. Whoa.

Byron called today. Shits crazy. He asked me for help, I can't even believe it. I'm definitely a kind and giving spirit but this is crazy. I was supposed to call him to figure out my life, and what happened, but fate gave me a call, and it just so happened to be Byron.
"Yo Sir Ster whats good? How you Livin?"
"Not bad steady livin' you?"
"Wish I could say the same son."
I sensed a little uneasiness in his voice. I knew something was up, and this started to make me nervous. Byron delved into the topic of remembering how he had my back back in the day, how we were a squad. It seemed like a business pitch, as if he was building up my sense of friendship only to knock it down and ask for a huge favor.
"Theres a hit on me Ster, and its because of us."
"What?"
"Man you dont get it? People want me dead! We did some shit we shouldn't have the other week, and now we paying, Bills are due Ster"
"Wait hold up, you said we, we did what?
Heres where the whole story got interesting. I finally am going to figure out what happened to me on my vacation. As you all know I was royally fucked up about a week or so ago, and as you all also know, I did a rather inebriated, and career threatening interview. Apparently I said some dumb things, which angered some of my old friends, and Byrons. They knew where we were what we were doing, what we had, and what they could get. Apparently we were at Byron's place chillin doin our thing, when all of the sudden, some of our old acquaintances strolled into the room, guns drawn. There was immediately shouting and scrambling, apparently Jessie stood up and tried to talk em down. Me and Byron grabbed our guns, we werent gonna go down without a fight is I guess what we thought. Things got heated and Jessie got thrown to the ground by two of the thugs. Byron fired a warning shot right into the air, but this didnt do any good, they did the same and said
"Think we scared of gunfire boy? We ain't no pussy ass singing fool like you!"
This got me mad, I fired two shots, supposedly warning shots, but in my fucked up state one grazed one of the thugs on the legs. Jessie then jumped up and pushed the other one down, and we got the fuck out of there. We got in my Range Rover and sped off, we saw the others running out of the house too, we all knew it was best the cops never caught wind of this, pigs ain't good for shit except eating donuts.

So there it is, bam, the story of my gun, of my vacation  of how it went down. Oh boy, now I've gotten in some shit I never should've, this could be the end of me. I thought we were done with this shit, but the ghosts of my past always come back to haunt me.

"Ster you there? STER!"

"Yo, I'll call you back I need some time, don't worry though Byron play it cool for a day I'll be in touch."

Boom. Click. Whoa. How can I even help? Do I even want to help him? Nah that's not a question hes my brother whether I like it or not, we've just taken different paths at this point. Does he want me to put up cash for the hit to take it off? I don't have that kind of money right now, cash isn't flowing in like it used to. this is bonkers.